five simple ways to love your children well (free resource)
Looking back at my childhood, I can pinpoint the exact moment my love language burst on the scene — I was between the ages of 6 and 8 years old and I had been playing in my room when I was suddenly struck by the thought that my mama was the absolute best person on the planet and my love for her almost overwhelmed me.
Okay, quiz time — I had to physically do something with these big emotions I was feeling, so I…
A. Ran to find her and gave her a giant, bear hug!
B. Made a card and wrote down all the ways I appreciated her!
C. Snuck into the kitchen and washed up all the dirty dishes for her!
D. Gathered my art supplies and asked her to color with me!
E. Searched frantically around my room, grabbed a small Winnie-the-Pooh figurine, wrapped it carefully in aluminum foil, and presented it to her!
If you guessed “E” — you’re right! She received that little statue with the appropriate fanfare and thank yous and graciously allowed me to display it for her back on my dresser! With that memory tucked into my heart, I can share with confidence that my all-time favorite way of showing others that I care for and love them is through gift-giving. But not everyone’s love language is best expressed or experienced through receiving gifts, so I want to share five of my favorite ways to use the love languages intentionally as a means of loving your kids well.
At the end of this article, I have a new free digital guide to share that includes some really fun printable components — it’s my absolute favorite resource to date and has taken the most research to write and the most care to design, but I hope it will be a rich blessing in your life! One of the quotes from the end of the guide really sums up my thoughts and the heart behind why I think this topic is important:
loving your children well models christ’s love for them.
the care you take in showing them that they are fully known, deeply wanted, and unconditionally loved gives them a glimpse of how their heavenly father knows them and desires a relationship with them.
loving your children well is gospel work and one of the best ways we can fight back against the gathering darkness.
words of affirmation — remind them of their name
In the pages of Scripture, we see that God places a lot of weight on the names of His people — there are examples in the Old and New Testament where He changes the names of those He loves to reflect their character or their journey of faith. Often, their identity is given richer meaning, and He calls them out and up into greater things. Following that example, we give our boys big names to grow into — not just names that look and sound good when placed ahead of our surname, but names that connect them to men in life or literature who show great faith or conviction. We prayerfully couple first and middle names with meanings that draw out character traits we hope they learn to develop. This is why we have a “peaceful ruler,” “wise warrior,” and “brave worshipper” under our roof. Because we place great emphasis on names in our home, this becomes a natural way for us to speak life and love into our boys’ hearts. What better way of affirming them than reminding them of who they are, where they come from, and how God is shaping their path?
quality time — go for a drive and crank up the music
Sometimes, I go overboard when it comes to the love language of quality time — thinking that I have to plan elaborate activities or that I have to carve out great stretches of time to speak this language well. In reality, the simplest ways are sometimes the best ways. When I get in the car to run an errand or if I just need a quick 30-minute drive in the country, it doesn’t take much effort to tap one of my big boys to hop in the backseat and tag along. We have an unspoken rhythm — when I hand my phone back to them, they know they are in charge of the soundtrack for that excursion. They each have a Spotify playlist under our main account and I’m always tickled to hear what music they are enjoying. Currently, my oldest has a mix of Andrew Peterson, Ellie Holcomb, old-school Silly Songs with Larry, and remakes of Classic Rock hits on cello, while my middle boy’s list features a lot of Christmas songs, some 70’s folk-rock, and some show tunes. The act of hitting the road with one of my boys and letting them pick the music is a beautifully simple way to connect and spend good time together.
receiving gifts — keep a simple gift pantry
As we’ve established, my strongest love language is receiving gifts, which means I get just as excited about giving as I do receiving. My oldest happens to share this love language with me, and we have a blast thinking of creative ways to give tangibly on a budget. However, taking a page from my own mama’s book of parenting, I’ve found that keeping a small gift pantry is a wonderful way to open doors of blessing. Throughout the year, I’ll find little things to tuck away: a second-hand treasure at the thrift store that reminds me of my youngest, a couple of sweet trinkets in the Target dollar spot, a clearance item in the checkout at the grocery. Sometimes those things come home with me and are shared immediately, but I try to discipline myself to hold a good portion of them back — tucked into an under-the-bed storage container or a shelf at the back of my closet. This makes Christmas Stockings and Easter Baskets a breeze, but more often than not, God brings opportunities throughout the year and matches up a need in one of my boys’ lives with something I’ve stashed away and almost forgotten about. I love seeing how He brings those two things together!
acts of service — tidy their room
Cleaning my sons’ room is not my favorite thing to do. I have enough of my own mess to contain and manage as it is. And I don’t clean for them on a regular basis because I think there is great merit to my little men learning to take care of their own space and things. But sometimes, having Mama come in to help with the decision fatigue and organization process is a huge blessing. When I link arms with them to sort through which art pieces to keep, what toys to donate, what clothes are outgrown, and what shelf systems to adjust, they breathe easier. Every single time, I’m rewarded with several days’ worth of “Thank you, Mama,” and “I slept so great in my clean room” and it takes a little of the sting out of those LEGOs embedded in the bottom of my foot.
physical touch — wrestle them
My husband excels at wrestling our boys. Not every week, but quite often, my living room is transformed into a boho WWE ring — the MCM coffee table and vintage velvet chairs are pushed back from the main rug, my cushions and throw pillows are tossed around the room, the dog is restrained and the baby safely tucked up in Mama’s arms so the big boys can get some much-needed energy out with their Daddy. As they continue to grow, I find myself cringing more and gently reminding them to not jump on daddy’s spine since he needs to go to work and can’t be crippled. But it’s not just about getting the excess energy out — I see great bonds form between my main man and his little minions. In the midst of that livingroom Thunderdome, somewhere between the leg sweeps and piledrivers, these men are expressing their love for one another.
okay, this is the moment i’ve been waiting for — you’ve just read some simple, yet intentional ways to show your kids how much you love them in five love language styles!
in my new digital resource, speaking their language: a creative guide to communicating your love in the way your child will best hear it, i share a little more about the definition of each love language type alongside 25 more creative ideas for practically working that into your daily interactions.
and i’ve included 5 free coordinating printables to act on those ideas right away — coupons for your child who loves gifts, love notes for your words of affirmation kid, discussion starters for your quality time teen, and more!
Welcome, friend — I’m Alle, a second-generation homeschooler with four boys living in the same mid-century ranch I grew up in.
In another season, my creative work took shape in the form of Kingdom-impacting projects for ministries and authors who were launching big things into the world — books and brands, courses and communities.
These days, I’m using those same skills and passions to create resources and tools for Homemakers and Home Educators who are building Kingdom-impacting families. You can sign up for free access to those simple projects in the Resource Library. I hope you will find some encouragement and support for your journey in this space.